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Unexpected pregnancy what to do. Unplanned pregnancy - a punishment or a gift from above? Is it a boon or a punishment

ANXIETY OF UNEXPECTED PREGNANCY.

In the eyes of the expectant mother, confusion and confusion. How? When did it happen? Why now? So what's now? Why now? What to do now 7 How to tell your partner? What about work? And not one hundred similar questions attacks the thoughts of a woman. And in the hands of the test - and a pregnancy test. With two stripes.

B Most women are willing to give a lot to get pregnant like this - "suddenly." They invest in this opportunity all means and forces - both physical, moral, and material. But, as you know, the medal has two sides. And what for some will be a long-awaited and happy event, others can be confusing. An unplanned pregnancy causes such a shock because a woman has a lot of questions and all of them do not yet have an answer.

Do not worry, it seems to you at that moment, but as soon as the veil of the first, most exciting news about pregnancy falls, the expectant mother begins to worry about very specific questions. Here we will look for answers to them together with you.

UNCERTAINTY IN OWN POWERS

Even if the pregnancy proceeds without problems and is perceived as the happiest event, a woman is overcome by fears and insecurities. The most common fear is the fear of one's own psychological unpreparedness for the birth of a child, responsibility for it and the lack of skills in caring for a newborn. However, we hasten to reassure you: the maternal instinct will take its toll. And even if the baby has already been born, and you don’t know how, say, to swaddle and don’t know how to clean the baby’s nose and ears, knowledge of these subtleties comes in the first days after childbirth. And this is facilitated to a large extent by the realization that the baby does not have to rely on someone else's help. This responsibility is pleasant and encourages the accumulation of experience, just on an intuitive level.

Often a mother is not sure that she will be able to pay enough attention to the child, that she will not be able to educate and give herself completely to her baby. Dear future mothers! There is not a single person on planet Earth who knows exactly how to properly raise children. There are, of course, many books on the subject. scientific papers, but if you pay close attention, then often the advice in them contradicts each other. And why? Because pedagogy, mathematical calculations, the arrangement of stars in the sky will never replace a mother's heart. After all, only a mother who knows a child from the first seconds of life can bring him up as a good person.

For this, it is not necessary to have a higher education. Teacher Education. You just need to believe in yourself and love your baby. So put aside all your doubts and fears. You can do it and be the best mom in the world!

IF ALREADY HAVE A SMALL

Often a woman is terrified, because at the time of the onset of pregnancy she already has in her arms infant. This causes panic. You are afraid of failing. Will there be financial opportunities to provide for a new family member, how to cope with two babies at once, especially if the age difference turns out to be about a year? Is the body ready for a new pregnancy and other questions require an immediate answer.

But, as a rule, the answers to these questions will come a little later, when you see your baby for the first time on an ultrasound scan, hear the beat of a small heart, the first movements and feel other joys of pregnancy. Then you will understand that there is nothing more important than this new life. And all difficulties can be overcome when the goal is so bright - your baby. Funds for the maintenance of the baby will definitely be found, because folk wisdom says: "God gave the child, God will give for the child." Not so many material goods really need crumbs.

However, let's not embellish reality. Yes, the first 10 months, as a rule, are very difficult with two babies: Mismatch of regimes, physical fatigue of the mother, jealousy of the older child, night feedings ... But already from about 10 months, babies usually play well with each other and often just inform their mother about what are going to do. Well, at an older age, children of the same age are attached to each other, like twins - because they do not remember and do not know life alone.

WILL I STAY SLIM

An important role in a woman's attitude to the news of pregnancy is played by her psychological preparedness. Those who plan a baby in advance have accepted the need to leave their careers for a while, they are ready to lose their former beauty for a while (although this is a controversial issue), accept dietary restrictions. And on the "unexpectedly pregnant" all this falls like snow on their heads. Most expectant mothers are lost in this situation. But as mentioned above, there are no unsolvable problems. Little by little, everything will settle down and a new stage of life will be established with its joys and sorrows. After all, you can work remotely, do not lose beauty, and the diet during breastfeeding will not be very strict at all.

It doesn't matter if your pregnancy was planned or not. The important thing is that a small heart beats in unison with your heart, to which YOU will give LIFE! And away from anxiety and uncertainty! If you conduct careful medical supervision of pregnancy, think more about the child and love him simply for the fact that he came into your life, everything will work out. the best way! And one day, in the delivery room, you, smiling, whisper: “Thank you, baby, for this surprise!”

DOCTORS SAY THAT IF PREGNANCY HAS COME IN, YOUR ORGANISM IS READY FOR IT.

Motherhood is one of the greatest joys in the life of every woman. When planning to have children, both expectant mothers and potential fathers try to paint the period of waiting and bearing the fetus to the smallest detail, so that in the end the child is born healthy and strong. Unlike planned childbirth, an unexpected pregnancy can be a big problem, because not all representatives of the beautiful half of humanity perceive it as a blessing, largely due to psychological, physiological or moral unpreparedness for the birth of a child.

Unexpected pregnancy video tips:

Having discovered the first signs of an unexpected pregnancy, a woman who is not ready to become a mother begins to experience real panic, because bearing a child can have a direct impact on the future of the girl herself. At the same time, it very often happens that the potential father does not even know about the imminent appearance of the baby until the moment when it is simply impossible to hide the rounded belly. There can be many reasons for such ignorance, but one of the main ones is the girl’s unpreparedness not only for motherhood, but also for pregnancy. Moreover, such news is far from always accepted by a man with joy: according to statistics, it is men who are not happy with a sudden pregnancy.

Reasons for this pregnancy

In most cases, unplanned pregnancy is the result of carelessness. In particular, it is worth noting that, according to statistics, more than 50% of unwanted pregnancies are observed in the case of minors who have first sexual intercourse. This is explained by the fact that in our country sex education lessons are a real "taboo", while comprehensive awareness could reduce the statistics of sudden pregnancies among children of school and student age.

The likelihood of an unexpected pregnancy increases in case of lightheadedness and problems with self-esteem. Currently, sex is one of the ways for self-affirmation. In this case, the partner may insist that sexual intercourse take place without contraception, as a result of which the likelihood of an unplanned pregnancy increases several dozen times.

Another most common cause of unexpected pregnancy after unprotected intercourse leading to sudden pregnancy is alcohol or drug abuse. Losing control over themselves, both partners can forget about mandatory contraception, which increases the likelihood of pregnancy, as well as the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.

There is a common misconception among young people that coitus interruptus can protect against sudden pregnancy. At the same time, scientists have proven that spermatozoa are released even during the act itself, which is why this method is only 20% effective.

Sudden pregnancy can be the result of sexual abuse. In this particular case, a woman who has been raped and shows signs of pregnancy is advised to undergo a course of psychiatric help and consider whether to leave the child.

One of the most common causes of sudden and unplanned pregnancy is the relatively high cost of quality contraceptives. At the same time, it should be noted that the price of condoms is growing, and the cost is more effective means can create an additional burden on the meager budget of the inhabitant.

Is it a blessing or a punishment?

Despite the fact that all women dream of knowing the joy of motherhood, not everyone succeeds in doing this. Moreover, some girls, having received a doctor's verdict of complete infertility, are ready to give almost everything. Currently, infertility treatment is one of the most promising directions research for physicians. At the same time, it is worth noting that there is clear progress in this area, however, in most cases, payment for the full course is extremely high, and the likelihood that the disease will be cured remains minimal.

However, pregnancy is far from being a joyful and expected event for all people. Sometimes, the sudden news that in the near future a girl will have to become a mother plunges her into a real shock. This condition is explained by the fact that pregnancy causes a sea of thoughts, doubts and questions. Moreover, the search for answers to these questions can be an overwhelming task, causing real panic in a woman unprepared for such an event.

Is it worth having an abortion?

Give birth or have an abortion? It is this question that confronts most girls who are not ready to know the joys of motherhood. Currently, abortion statistics look extremely depressing: every year, approximately 55 million women terminate their pregnancy artificially. However, abortion can cause complications, as a result of which about 70,000 women who went under the knife die from the consequences of artificial termination of pregnancy. Moreover, studies show that after the first abortion, every fifth woman becomes infertile, as a result of which the psychological state of a similar category of women who decide to take this step worsens.

However, abortion is not an absolute evil, since the child must be desired and loved. In the case when a woman or her family cannot provide the baby with proper care, love and care, abortion is a justified thing. At the same time, it should be noted that about 40% of abortions in our country are done as a result of the unfavorable financial situation of the family. Another justified reason for artificial termination of pregnancy may be a threat to the life of the mother and child. Often, childbirth can cause complications, as a result of which not only the fetus, but also the mother herself is at risk of death. Therefore, it is advisable to terminate such a pregnancy.

The attitude of society towards abortion is extremely ambiguous. Some believe that artificial termination of pregnancy is akin to killing a person, while for the second, such a procedure is fully justified. At present, it is simply impossible to reach an unambiguous opinion, but in most cases such a measure is perceived extremely negatively. At the same time, women themselves in most cases prefer to give birth, regardless of what awaits them and their child in the future.

Problems that may arise

If for some women two stripes on the test is boundless happiness, then for others it is an impressive reason for panic. However, you should not succumb to a panic mood, because in any case, the birth of a child is a joy. First of all, it is necessary to soberly consider further actions. Pregnancy can cause panic in several ways:

Lack of a stable partner;
Unwillingness or unwillingness of the spouse;
Underage or too late pregnancy;
The need to change your own plans;
unpreparedness for motherhood.

Most often, panic moods are observed in very young girls, in particular, minors. There can be a huge number of reasons for this, but one of the main ones is the opinion of parents, because in most cases pregnancy is perceived by them extremely negatively.

In adults, panicky moods can be caused by a banal unwillingness to take responsibility. The birth of a child can cause the destruction of a career, as well as the complete exclusion of one's own interests in favor of the baby. At the same time, the negative experience of friends, girlfriends and acquaintances who have turned into inveterate housewives makes one think that a woman will follow their example. Such a prospect is not at all encouraging, therefore, at the time of the news of pregnancy, most young girls fall into a real stupor.

In this case, a woman may experience a fear of loneliness. Statistics show that when men learn about pregnancy, they run away much more often than they stay, as a result of which the woman finds herself with a child in her arms. At the same time, a child can become the main obstacle on the way to finding a new partner, because not every man can accept someone else's baby and love him as his own.

It often happens that pregnancy causes real fear even among married women. This is explained by the banal unpreparedness and ignorance of father's duties. At the same time, the young man is really afraid that after giving birth to a child, a woman may lose her own beauty or lose interest in fulfilling her marital duty. At this moment, the expectant mother needs to calm down herself, as well as find words that can calm her spouse. It would also be useful to visit a family psychologist who can defuse a tense situation and “force” to think soberly.
Most girls think that they are not ready to become a mother. At the same time, it is worth noting that the maternal instinct is inherent in a woman by nature itself. That is why the awareness of happiness even from pregnancy comes in the process of bearing, giving birth and establishing contact with your own child.

How to deal with anxious thoughts?

Psychological relief during pregnancy is an extremely individual thing. For some women, it is enough to be listened to and given advice, while for others, the anxiety continues throughout the pregnancy. To deal effectively with anxiety, you need to understand its very nature.

Essentially, anxiety is the fear of uncertainty about the future and is inherent in waiting. Due to hormonal changes in the body of a pregnant woman, the feeling of anxiety increases significantly. At the same time, strong and frequent anxiety can deprive the expectant mother of restful sleep, and anxiety disorders during pregnancy can have a negative impact on the development of the fetus itself.

It is worth noting that, unlike planned, spontaneous pregnancy requires close attention not only from the expectant mother, but also from her environment. In 80% of cases, there is a development of a depressive state, which everyone is used to dealing with in their own way: some prefer to smoke, while others seek a way out in alcohol. Addictions can have a direct impact on the course of pregnancy, as a result of which both tobacco and alcohol must be completely eliminated.

Support from family and friends will help to cope with constant anxiety. Sometimes, it is enough for a pregnant woman to simply speak out and “cry”, as a result of which the anxiety state goes away. However, in cases where talking does not help, it is recommended to contact psychologists. Currently, there is a huge number of psychological trainings and methods for overcoming anxiety for pregnant women, which have proven themselves from the practical side.

In most cases, when working with pregnant women (in particular, if the girl is “flying”), cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy is used, the essence of which is to try to change the way a person thinks to change the perception of the current situation. In 90% of cases, this practice allows you to completely eliminate anxiety and panic, as well as accept the situation and adapt to it, as well as learn to be glad that everything is not so bad.

If this is your second child

It often happens that a woman absorbed in caring for her first child does not pay attention to her own well-being, ignoring such familiar symptoms. At the same time, most women treat the issue of contraception after childbirth with obvious disdain, throwing off carelessness on “natural” protection from spontaneous pregnancy with an imaginary protection that the body supposedly receives during breastfeeding. That is why the news of a second pregnancy plunges young mothers into a real stupor.

First of all, you need to soberly assess your own capabilities. Sometimes, the upbringing and rearing of one child takes almost all the effort, time and material resources, because of which parents begin to experience moral exhaustion. That is why the news of the unplanned birth of a second baby can be shocking and misleading, especially when it comes to young families. The appearance of the second can tritely “ruin” the family. At the same time, raising one child at the expense of another is not the right policy.

Parents of children of the same age will be happy to talk about the benefits of children who are close in age: the children will be friendly, school subjects will be similar, and the clothes and toys of the older will ideally fit the younger, which in itself is a significant savings Money. However, the opinion of doctors on this matter is contrary to the opinion of modern mothers, because pregnancy creates a significant burden on the female body. That is why warnings that it is recommended to give birth to a second child no earlier than 1.5-2 years from the moment the first child appears are not empty words.

Almost all the forces of the mother's body are spent on the formation and bearing of the fetus. The absence of a respite after pregnancy, childbirth and feeding the first child does not contribute to the restoration of hormonal levels and the formation of internal resources for a positive second pregnancy. As a result, the mother begins to have problems with the lack of nutrients in the body. Yes, and caring for the first child, making allowance for the symptoms, is sometimes extremely difficult, so during the second pregnancy it is recommended not to neglect the help of relatives and friends.

How to avoid such a pregnancy?

First of all, contraceptives on the modern market help to avoid this. Among them stand out:

Barrier (male and female condoms, diaphragms and caps);
Chemical (creams, suppositories, tampons);
Hormonal (pills, injections, implants);
Mechanical (plasters and rings that release hormones);
Sterilization (surgery).

It should be noted that not all types of contraception offer 100% protection. For example, condom manufacturers indicate that barrier contraceptives (condoms, spirals) are not the right way, because latex, despite its elasticity, can break through during intercourse, in most cases this happens due to the fact that people ignore the rules of use, wearing it not according to the instructions.

Any pregnancy is a gift sent from above, regardless of whether it was clearly and competently planned, or the news of the imminent birth of a baby came suddenly. It should be noted that to give birth or not to give birth is the choice of the future mother. It is important to remember that a baby is a serious responsibility, so any pregnancy requires informed decisions and justified actions. At the same time, it is worth noting that not every woman can experience the joy of motherhood, largely due to health problems or other troubles in life, which is why pregnancy should be taken as a gift of fate!

Video about unexpected pregnancy:

Sometimes the news of pregnancy is completely unexpected. You used protection, but contraception, with the exception of hormonal pills and surgery, does not give a 100% result. How to calm down and accept this news with joy? First of all, try not to blame yourself for the fact that the news of pregnancy did not cause you a strong feeling of happiness. Even those women who consciously planned pregnancy, even those who are being treated for infertility, experience confusion. You are an adult independent person and you perfectly understand that a child is not only happiness, but also responsibility, because a baby must not only be born, but also taken care of for many years. It is an increased sense of personal responsibility that causes your anxiety, you understand that your life will change a lot, that you have a lot to do so that the baby is healthy and happy, and this is normal, and you will definitely cope.
The second important point is the feeling of guilt: if you were protected, therefore, you did not want this child. Don't worry, it won't hurt your baby if you didn't plan on getting pregnant. The information that the baby feels all the mother's emotions in the tummy does not mean at all that you have absolutely no right to negative feelings at all. Psychologists simply remind that, in general, the expectation of a child should be as positive as possible.

Typical anxieties of unexpected pregnancy.

As a rule, pregnancy is not planned for some weighty reasons. However, as the experience of many women shows, most problems can be overcome and welcome the birth of a baby. Here are the main worries of expectant mothers.

In any case, the baby should not become a hindrance for you personally. Even if life has to be built not with his biological father, but with another man. Nowadays, a child is not considered a barrier to a new marriage. Moreover, a lot of men are happy to receive "a ready-made baby who already cries a little and already thinks something." Not so rare are cases when a man marries a woman in position and raises a child as his own.

How to deal with pregnancy anxiety.

It is not always possible to voice anxieties even for yourself, and you just experience a lot of stress. Here's what you can do to calm down.

Talk to friends who have kids. Surely among them there are those who did not plan a pregnancy, but everything turned out well. Their experience will be your support. It is possible that you or your brother and sister are also "unplanned children."
Try to understand that you are worried not only rationally, but also due to the fact that hormonal changes are taking place in your body, coloring what is happening in gloomy tones. Contact your doctor for professional advice.
Take a joint short vacation with your husband (with your mother, sister - the person you can rely on after the birth of the baby) - this will help you calm down and put your feelings in order. Quite often, anxiety is exacerbated by the fact that you are trying to deal with it alone. You just need to feel the closeness of a loved one, to experience the notorious "feeling of the elbow."
If the weather allows, try to spend time in nature alone or in a pleasant company - this helps to tune in the right way.

Benefits of an unexpected pregnancy

Try to focus and think about what your unexpected pregnancy has a lot of advantages. The main plus, of course, the baby himself. Whatever hardships you have to endure, they will be forgotten quite quickly, and the crumb will remain with you. Remember, in the difficult 90s of the XX century, young mothers also could not imagine how to raise children in such conditions. But everyone remained alive, grew up, some are already studying at institutes.
No less important is the fact that the birth of a child (especially the first one) does not at all “stupefy a woman”, as they sometimes scare, but reveal her creative potential and develop a creative approach to life. An active mother learns to be organized and responsible. And communication with a baby is fraught with a lot of discoveries: about the world, about yourself, about life. Remember that a baby who is not planned is no worse than planned. Since he decided to be born, it means that everything is in order with you, the pregnancy will go well. Think about the fact that many perfectly healthy women have to make an effort to get pregnant, and you just got it right. Someone up there decided to give you a wonderful gift and a gift for your husband. Don't refuse such gifts!

They say that "unwanted children should not be." What can this phrase mean? Does this mean that an unwanted pregnancy should be terminated? Or is it necessary to find the strength in yourself to accept the situation and love the child? Probably, every woman is looking for an answer to this question on her own. The first way is chosen, unfortunately, not infrequently. Abortions have tragic consequences for both a woman's reproductive system and her mental health.

Let's talk about those situations when a woman, despite the undesirability of pregnancy, decides to keep it. The reasons for maintaining such a pregnancy can be different: the fear of losing the opportunity to have children due to complications after an abortion or a direct ban on abortion by doctors based on the woman’s health, the resistance of her husband and relatives, etc. But the result is important: one way or another, a woman is preparing for the birth of a baby and future motherhood. From a psychological point of view, if a woman nevertheless decided to keep the pregnancy, the situation is not hopeless, and the expectant mother is able to accept the child and in the end say words of love to him: “It's good that I have you!”.

4 situations when an unplanned pregnancy scares

There are rarely situations when pregnancy is undesirable in itself: this happens only in exceptional cases of the complete absence of maternal instinct. Most often, the reason for this is the accompanying circumstances.

1. Pregnancy happened at the wrong time

The most common situation is when pregnancy is, in general, desirable, but not now, but “sometime later.” You need to finish your studies, or climb the career ladder, or solve the housing problem, or officially formalize the marriage, or “still take a walk.” Yes, there are many reasons to postpone this event for a couple of years! But two stripes on the test declare themselves, and you need to make a decision.

Katya, 22 years old: “The pregnancy was completely inopportune: I studied, my husband and I were not yet scheduled, and I’m still too young! I sobbed, thought about terminating the pregnancy.

But the future husband, and the parents supported me, assuring me that everything would be fine. The realization of the value of my special position came to me at a critical moment: at 11 weeks I was admitted to the hospital with the threat of termination of pregnancy. Only then I realized: I love my baby and I can’t bear it if I lose him. Fortunately, everything ended well, and now I'm looking forward to the birth of our daughter."

In general, such a situation is the most “easy”: having survived the initial shock and reaction of rejection, the woman recalls that she thought about the birth of a child, even dreamed about it, albeit “theoretically”. As a rule, women manage to cope with a negative attitude on their own, most in the first month after they learned the news and decided to continue the pregnancy. Further, expectant mothers are already beginning to rejoice and love the child. Usually the help of a psychologist in a situation “what if it’s not the right time!” it is not required, the support of loved ones and your own attitude to the positive is enough.

2. A pregnant woman does not have moral or material support

There are situations in which the birth of a baby is completely undesirable for a woman. For example, she does not have a permanent partner, a casual relationship has occurred, and it is almost useless to rely on the support of the father of the child. Before the woman there is a prospect.

Many single mothers would not call their pregnancy unwanted, they say they appreciated pregnancy from the very beginning and were ready to deal with life's difficulties. But, undoubtedly, a certain number of women in this situation consider pregnancy a burden. And if they decide to keep it, they will have a difficult time. An event that so unexpectedly broke into their life paints it in gray tones, and a woman can begin to blame the unborn child for many troubles.

Arina, 28: “My best friend got pregnant unexpectedly after a vacation in the south. Her age was "running out", and she decided to leave the child. But I don't know if it's good for him. A friend blamed her pregnancy for everything, was angry at toxicosis, weight gain (“spoiled figure”), the need to go on maternity leave. She considered the child to be the culprit of all failures, and this is a heavy burden for the baby. Of course, I try to convince her, but it seems to me that one cannot do without the help of a professional psychologist.

Changing the situation depends on the woman herself, on her readiness to change her point of view, to try to find a positive in the situation. After all, women often concentrate on the negative, that is, on what they are losing, but they don’t even think about what they are gaining. Therefore, you need to try to find the good that motherhood can give, and for this, loving your children. In many cases, the help of a professional psychologist is needed.

3. "I don't want to have children, but everyone says I should"

There are women who are not attuned to motherhood (“You can be happy without children”), who consider motherhood an obstacle to their own freedom. Perhaps they would not want to get married and would carefully protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies. But these are “social” women, and the norms of society are important to them. As she gets older, it becomes more difficult to explain to others why she is not married and/or why she does not have children. Yes, and relatives (husband, parents) are waiting for heirs. And now a woman decides to have a pregnancy, although planned, but, nevertheless, unwanted for her. A woman may be aware of her unwillingness to have a child, or there may be a situation where this unwillingness is unconscious. In the first case, it is easier to work with the problem, as with everything that "lies on the surface." In the second case, the unwillingness to have a child "undermines" the woman from the inside: pregnancy is accompanied by poor health, the expectant mother "forgets" about taking the necessary medicines, "is not able" to give up bad habits.

Larisa is 35 years old, the first saved pregnancy, 13 weeks. She consulted a psychologist perinatal center by obstetrician. In the past there were several abortions, during this pregnancy - early toxicosis, several threats of interruption with hospitalization. Larisa seemed “cold”, she was reluctant to talk about pregnancy, she called the child “fetus”, referring to the fact that it is more scientific. The woman was married a second time, the first husband left her because of her unwillingness to have children and abortions performed without his knowledge. The second husband did not insist on children, but the pregnancy came by accident, and here he was persistent. Larisa said: “I give birth for them (husband, mother), let them babysit.”

It took several months for Larisa's coldness to decrease and her attitude towards her unborn child to become warmer, and a desire to take care of him after birth appeared.
In a situation of "secret unwillingness" it is also necessary to look for the positive beginning that the birth of a child brings, to focus on what is acquired, and not on restrictions. Since the birth of a child is eagerly awaited by native women, you need to seek support from them, try to “infect” with their joy. And if possible, see a psychologist!

4. Recently I wanted to, now I don’t!

The situation is difficult when pregnancy, initially desired, becomes unnecessary already in the course of its course. This usually happens when the motives for having a child were “outsiders”, not related to the value of parenthood:

the child was needed in order to, but he still broke off the relationship;
the child was needed to solve the housing problem, but it became clear that he "won't help" in this;
only a child of a certain gender was needed, but it turned out that the sex was “not the same”;
the child was a way to show adulthood, to separate from parents, but dependence on them increased even more due to the need for their participation in pregnancy and assistance after childbirth.

Characteristically, in this situation, the pregnancy could have been planned, although a woman should not have allowed pregnancy, guided by extraneous motives, since this almost always brings disappointment, if not during pregnancy, then after the birth of a child. Since the baby is not a goal, but only a means for the realization of some other goals, then, having “worked out” in this capacity or “failed” with the task, it becomes unnecessary.

However, such situations are not hopeless, because a woman has the initial experience of accepting a child, albeit without much love. If pregnancy has begun to be perceived as “unnecessary” in the process, then the expectant mother needs to be helped to find new guidelines, new benefits, preferably related to the child himself and the value of motherhood.

What happens to a woman who finds out about an unplanned pregnancy?

Psychologists have found that every woman, having learned about an unplanned pregnancy, goes through several stages of understanding the situation. You will probably recognize yourself in this description.

A surge of emotions: from surprise and joy to horror

This stage lasts from several minutes to several hours. When pregnancy is unexpected, the range of emotions is wide: from despair to joy. An unexpected pregnancy is not always undesirable, and sometimes a woman feels that although the child was a surprise, she already loves him. But if the first impulse is “I don’t need this!”, the woman experiences strong negative emotions: despair, even anger. Such emotions require an outlet, and a woman sheds many tears, which at this stage is even healing.

Marina, 24 years old: “I am not married, I recently got a job at last Good work. I started dating a young man. It seemed that he was in love with me, I was also fascinated. But after a few months, I discovered that I was pregnant. I did not know what to think, a lot depended on the reaction of the man. But he didn't want a baby. I remember the despair that I experienced, because it seemed to me that we had real feelings. And now I'm alone with the problem. Then I thought of the child only as a hindrance and punishment ... "

Gradual awareness of the situation

It can last from a few days to three weeks. It is necessary so that the emotions of a woman, whatever they may be, subside somewhat and she can begin to reason and build her life in a new way. But the strength of feelings is still intense, although it decreases towards the end of the stage. Moms-to-be, for whom the news of a child came as a surprise, need more time to believe that life-changing changes are taking place in their lives. As a rule, this stage for them is the path from disbelief (“It simply cannot be!”), Through the search for evidence that the test was wrong, to the realization that pregnancy is a fact.

Marina continues the story: “... I did tests for several days in a row, but they only confirmed the initial result. I sobbed for several days, trying my best to stay in front of people. She didn’t say anything to her mother, because she herself couldn’t believe it yet. Of course, I could have had an abortion, but something was stopping me, and besides, I knew that there was still time if I made this particular decision. After ten days, I realized that the emotions had calmed down. I decided to tell my mom about it. After groaning and groaning, my mother said: “Well, I wonder who will be - a boy or a girl.” I didn’t want anyone - neither a boy nor a girl, but for some reason her words made it easier ... "

If the pregnancy is unexpected and still perceived as unwanted, try to find support in the person of relatives, friends and, above all, the father of the child (if possible). If necessary, cry, but do not drown in a stream of endless tears. Seeing that loved ones do not perceive the birth of a child as a tragedy, it will be easier for you to look at the situation from a new point of view. Talking to others quickly creates a sense of reality and helps you start thinking about the future with hope.

A surge of new feelings

This period lasts about a month after the end of the previous stage. A woman who realized that there is life inside her, and experienced the first flurry of emotions, began to believe that everything is really real, is imbued with new feelings. Even with a planned pregnancy, often such feelings are confusion, anxiety, self-doubt. When the pregnancy is unexpected, the uncertainty can be even stronger, because a woman has to think through many points that, during a planned pregnancy, the spouses discuss in advance, before planning.

In the event of an unwanted pregnancy, it is not the worries associated with ensuring the best possible course of pregnancy that come to the fore. A woman worries about the future, says goodbye to the picture of the future that she had before, which may be accompanied by negative emotions in relation to the child who "violated all plans." At this moment, it is important to draw a new picture of the future, “writing” the appearance of the baby there. Don't think of past plans as something unrealistic. Much can be done by adjusting the timing. The first step in loving a child is to stop perceiving it as a hindrance.

“... I almost decided that I would keep the pregnancy. We have a negative attitude towards abortion in our family, and I was also afraid of complications that could prevent me from getting pregnant later. I did not feel love for the child, moreover, I blamed him for ruining my life. I was young, free, building a career, but I turned out to be quickly getting fat and useless. It seemed to me that the prospects for the future (successful marriage, good job, career) were finished forever. However, a colleague at work unexpectedly helped me. At work, no one knew that I was pregnant, I tried to carry on as usual. And somehow during the lunch break, Masha and I got into a conversation. Her story was very similar to mine: an unexpected pregnancy, alone in a strange city, without the support of the father of the child. Now her daughter was 6 years old, and I was struck by how warmly she spoke about her.

Masha admitted that at first she also could not come to terms with the changes in her life, she blamed the unborn child. But love came with the daughter's first smile. Looking at Masha, I realized: it is possible to cope with the situation by becoming a good mother and staying beautiful woman and a promising collaborator…”

Emotion stabilization

Its onset is connected with how quickly the previous stages proceeded, and suggests that the woman began to adapt to a new situation for herself and is ready to rebuild her life, taking into account her “special” position. It is now that new eating habits, daily routines, a new attitude towards oneself and others begin to form. Even, perhaps, not yet feeling love for the child, the woman still begins to behave in accordance with the “special position”. She begins to plan her future, to think about who can help her. At this stage, feelings for the child may remain at the same “cold” level, but still, “warming” most often occurs. The expectant mother begins to look closely at other children, to imagine her child (“I won’t let mine behave like this”; “I’ll dress mine up too”, etc.). For many, the turning point is the beginning of the period of baby movements.

“… So, I kept the pregnancy. Of course, the future frightened me, because I would have to go on maternity leave, and what to live on, also with a child? But the parents promised to support us, including financially, and my friends were ready to give away the things from which their children grew up. I remember a moment that was a turning point for me. It wasn't the first move, no. It was no movement at 20 weeks. That's when I really got scared, but not for myself, but for my baby. At that moment, I realized that I already loved him, but before that I had not allowed myself to feel it. Fortunately, everything worked out. From that moment on, I became a "crazy pregnant", and then the same mother. Of course, there were many difficulties, but no less joys. Now, when my life is adjusted, when my son is 5 years old, and I am married to a wonderful man, I do not regret anything!”

To accept an unwanted pregnancy…

The situation of each woman is unique, no matter how similar they may seem at first glance. That is why there are no unambiguous recommendations on how to accept pregnancy. Each has its own path and hostility, and love. Only the woman herself can change her own attitude towards the unborn child, and each such path is unique. We can only give very general recommendations.

Seek support from loved ones. Find people in your environment whose loyalty you have no doubt and who will be ready to support you. Sometimes, in especially difficult moments, you will be able to lean on loved ones, and this will give you the determination to move on.

Specify the image of the child. Try to imagine your baby - first as a baby, and then older. Imagine how he looks at you and smiles. Imagine how he says: “Thank you, mom, that I was born. I love you, mommy". This will help you feel: inside you is a dear little man for you, and not at all an enemy who “ruined” your life.
Play associations. Take a piece of paper and write down all the words or phrases that you associate with the words "mother" and "child". Count the number of positive, negative and neutral. Let the positive ones become the basis for accepting pregnancy and future motherhood, and reflect on the negative ones and try to find a positive replacement for them.

Draw an image of the future. Take paints and paper and draw your future. It can be a concrete image, or it can be just abstract strokes. Then take a closer look, and if the drawing seems gloomy to you, take some bright colors and paint the picture so that it becomes more joyful.

Try to be positive. Look at how parents and children communicate with each other. Talk to those who are parents. Most likely, you will hear many kind words about children, about the joy that communication with them brings. Ask about the difficulties - and you will know that they are completely surmountable.

Contact a psychologist. Of course, many women are able to cope on their own, but if possible, still contact a specialist. Psychologists have psychotechnologies that allow you to go through the path of acceptance faster, which is very important in a situation where not only the mother herself, but also the unborn child suffers from a negative attitude.

So, an unwanted pregnancy can become desirable, and a child can be loved. Whatever the circumstances, it is the woman who remains the last word whether "nine months" will continue. And if a woman keeps her pregnancy, then in this way she chooses life. There is already a potential for love and acceptance in this step that needs only to be allowed to unfold.

Pregnancy enters your dreams in two main ways. The first is dreams about yourself during pregnancy, the second - your real pregnancy is a PUSH EVENT and sets its certain content.

Anyone can get pregnant in a dream: this possibility is not limited by either sexual or age barriers.

Generally speaking, pregnancy serves as a symbol of creativity, puberty, or wealth. However, there are many situations that require further interpretation.

If you are a young woman dreaming of pregnancy, at the same time having no real intention of becoming pregnant, such a dream may indicate that you are in the initial transition stage to a new stage of introspection.

One of the YUNGU ARCHETYPES is the archetype of the parent with the prevailing instinct to preserve the family.

To see oneself engaged in activity in this position is to observe one's exit from the CHILD stage and transition to the adult level.

If you are sexually active but have no intention of getting pregnant, this dream can be a harmonious accompaniment to your monthly cycle.

In connection with such a dream, ALARMS of the "what if" type may arise, which require reflection and resolution.

A man who sees himself pregnant in a dream is often in a situation where his masculinity or participation in the reproduction of the population is in question.

Such doubts often come to the mind of men who see themselves as less active in this regard than they would like to be.

Sleep acts as a compensation, emphasizing the creative side of their PERSONALITY.

Pregnant men give birth not only to children, but also to something that somehow justifies their mission in this world.

The fact of pregnancy real life can lead to a variety of events in dreams.

By their nature, these events can be anything from the most cruel to the ludicrous.

This is not surprising, since in real life pregnancy is a source of a whole range of sensations - from excitement to euphoria.

Other types of dreams that occur during pregnancy may relate to adultery, the DEATH of a partner, chronic health problems, pregnancy loss due to an accident or miscarriage, birth defects in a child, twins, triplets, etc., as well as increased fertility, where conception and gestation occur more often and regardless of protection.

Dreams of infidelity or the death of a partner often occur as a response to feelings of insecurity due to a change in the appearance or frequency and nature of sexual relations during pregnancy.

Dreams of chronic health problems and defects in the child belong to the category of negative WILL-DOING and are also the result of the anxiety felt by women in this position.

Dreams of multiple births and repeated pregnancies are the most difficult.

Sometimes, at a certain stage, pregnancy overwhelms a woman. This is a consequence of fears about the ability to properly cope with the role of MOTHER.

Multiple pregnancies can be a visual representation of these fears.

Interpretation of dreams from Loff's Dream Interpretation

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Dream Interpretation - Pregnancy

Dreams about pregnancy promise a better future to everyone.

For a young woman, this is a play of natural forces, a rehearsal that prepares her for a real pregnancy and childbirth.

But in other cases, for people who are not concerned about this problem.

For men, such a dream portends novelty In work, acquisitions, acquaintances.

Pregnancy in a dream symbolizes the bearing of some plans.

But the birth of a child indicates that the first step towards achieving the goal has already been taken, you just have to raise a child.

Bring your actions to their logical conclusion. Such phenomena as marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, death are natural for people.

But in dreams these events happen incomparably more often than in life.

They are especially significant for the dreamer if they are impracticable or unlikely in real life.

For example, pregnancy and childbirth in men or an elderly woman, the death of a healthy person, a wedding with a celebrity, and the like.

Next to the symbol of pregnancy and childbirth is, it would seem, their antipode - the symbol of death. Death in a dream is not the same as real death.

To die in a dream means only getting rid of some aspect of your life, which is a thing of the past for you.

Therefore, death in a dream is also a rebirth to a new life.

And although death may dream of the sick, worried about their lives, it almost never heralds the end of life.

On the eve of a real death, people see extremely optimistic dreams: moving to another country, flying into space, and the like.

Of course, such exotic travels do not always portend death.

Often they are followed only by significant changes or unusual life circumstances.

Interpretation of dreams from