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Better late never by barbara sher epub. How to start a new life at any age by Barbara Sher. Better late than never

For some time I hesitated whether to offer a review of this particular book. The reason is that perhaps not everyone will be interested in the topic that Barbara Sher explores. This is a midlife crisis. However, I still decided to present this text to you, because I have not seen a more positive, optimistic and inspiring book on this topic.

One word “crisis” is worth something… Yes, we all understand perfectly well that “the darkest night before dawn”, that the crisis is a harbinger of the most powerful transformation… , it would seem that you just knew this very life.

And it doesn't matter if it happens at thirty-five or about fifty - the absolute figures of age do not matter. Only one thing is important: at some point, the question begins to sound more and more insistently in my head: “What is all this for?” The race for success, career aspirations, attempts to build a family nest ... What has been actively leading through life for many years is now beginning to lose its attractiveness. How so?

Barbara Sher has the answers to these questions. She tactfully, but confidently, and sometimes with humor, leads the reader along the path of overcoming one of the deepest crises in human life. The author shows what are the causes and origins of this stage, how events will develop, how the heart will calm down ... But this is not just a statement. Barbara supports the reader with numerous examples of those who have already experienced a similar transformation, as well as coaching questions and exercises.

It is amazing how depth (since it is an existential crisis) and simplicity coexist in the book. Quite in her own way, Barbara Sher seems to be talking to the reader on the most difficult topics.

So, the author insists that all our goals of the first half of life are provoked by ... nature. Well, if we are talking about finding a life partner, creating a family and having children, then everything is more or less clear. But when it is discovered that the movement up the career ladder, and physical activity, and the growth of consumption, are basically an attempt to stay young, and therefore, from a biological point of view, fit and attractive to continue the human race, this is very discouraging ... But it is also calming at the same time. And explains a lot. How strong are the instincts laid down by nature, and how they attract us through life, sometimes completely inconsistent with our vision, dreams, desire for happiness. And what can at first be considered the mistakes of youth is melted into an absolutely necessary experience that each of us acquires. This same experience ultimately makes us unique.

Okay, let's say. What is said about the first half of life is easy to compare with one's own experience (the division into parts, of course, is conditional - "before" and "after" the crisis). But what is there, behind the pass?

A good start to an answer is a quote from Carl Jung: “When certainty is gone, awareness begins.”

Barbara Sher suggests looking at the crisis as an opportunity. The opportunity to finally return to yourself - the true, real, when nature no longer has big plans for us, and society has been given its due, and you can not look for approval and praise from others. The second part of life is a wonderful gift that everyone has. And everyone can give life the meaning they want.

It is here that it turns out that most of us have deep dreams, desires, great goals hidden in such distant corners of consciousness that we can’t even remember right off the bat ... The techniques offered by Barbara Sher help the reader to make a kind of archaeological excavation in his own mind, to discover those talents and facets of his personality, which now have to be used to the fullest. They were patiently biding their time. Nothing will be lost, no experience or ability will be left without use in a new life, the purpose of which is to create happiness for oneself. And this is very important - just for yourself. Because the first half of life, for various reasons, was devoted to others - to get the education that parents want, to do what the leader asks, to take care of children ... An amazing time is coming - to live life the way you want! And this transformation is the miracle of middle age. According to the author, “the unpleasant and restless feeling that is present now is just growing pains ... Ahead is a new coming of age, when you turn from a person controlled by predictable impulses and passions into an original, unique, original personality ... You are on the way to greatness.”

How the book can be useful for coaches: It was once believed that with a midlife crisis, it is necessary to turn to a psychotherapist; however, the mass nature of this phenomenon shows that it seems to be part of the life of most people; this is the stage when the results of the previous part of life are summed up and new goals are set, new dreams are discovered - and who, if not a coach, will be able to support the seeker. Knowing the patterns of this stage will allow the coach to be effective.

How the book can be useful for clients: all of Barbara Sher's books are very practical - and this training book is no exception; you can work with it on your own.

Intrigue for the curious: want to know if it is possible to avoid a midlife crisis and what awaits those who try to do so? Read Better Late Than Never!

Publisher: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber
Author Barbara Sher
Year: 2016
Pages: 390
Format: RTF,FB2
The size 10.2 MB

Description Waking up feeling young and fearless, full of creativity, not caring about other people's opinions, knowing exactly what you want to do with your life, and with the firm intention of doing it? Sounds like a pipe dream, especially if you've reached the age where it seems that the time of great opportunities has come to an end, and the future is seen as something going downhill.
Well, you are in for a surprise! Not at all decline and sunset await you ahead. You are entering a completely different and magnificent world in which you will be able to combine the great experience of the past and the ambitious dreams of the future. Barbara Sher's step-by-step strategies, practice exercises, and motivational techniques help you - no matter how old you are - discover the inspired and curious adventurer you've always been.
Published in Russian for the first time.

Download Barbara Sher. Better late than never. How to start a new life at any age (2016) RTF, FB2 for free:

Barbara Sher

Better late than never. How to start new life any age

Barbara Sher

It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now

How to Create Your Second Life at Any Age

Published with permission from Curtis Brown Group Limited

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Dreaming is not bad

Barbara Sher and Annie Gottlieb

What to dream about

Barbara Sher

From words to deeds!

Richard Newton

Allow yourself to create

Natalie Ratkowski

I wanted and I did!

Vladimir Yakovlev

Dedicated to life

Introduction

Would you like to wake up tomorrow feeling young and fearless, full of creativity, without worrying about other people's opinions, knowing exactly what you want to do with your life and with a firm intention to do it?

Sounds like a pipe dream, I know, especially to middle-aged people. The future is seen as something going downhill. Young again? Aging at least more slowly is already luck. Truth? It is not clear what to discuss here, if it is quite obvious where life is heading after forty.

Many of your peers think so. I saw this confidence on the faces of all those who entered middle age.

"Everything is just like that. The holiday is over. I once had dreams, but now it's too late. A few more years of relative health, then you need to prepare for the worst. It's time to look into the eyes of harsh reality: I will no longer be young.

Is that how you think?

Well, you are in for a surprise!

Without a doubt, this is an important intersection, from which you turn into an unfamiliar street. For that matter, this is one of the most significant turns in life. But it is worth going around the corner, and you will see something that will amaze you.

Not at all decline and sunset await you ahead. Rather, you are on the threshold of a new amazing beginning. The era you are entering is so different from the past forty years that it can be called a second life without exaggeration.

I want you to understand that this life is not a variation of what has already happened to you. The second life is a completely different world, and it is not like the first, just as a university is not like an elementary school. It will begin as soon as you wake up from the illusions of youth that ruled your first life.

What illusion am I talking about? Beauty and youth, which, it seemed, would certainly provide extraordinary romance and fame; the sweetest feeling of an endless "tomorrow" with endless possibilities; the certainty that you will never grow old (because there is nothing worse) and that you will never die - all that middle age seems to take away from you. These mirages do not stand the test of time, but you instinctively cling to them for as long as possible.

Not the best idea.

If you cling to these delusions with all your might, you may not understand for years what opportunities await in the second life. And when you finally understand, you look back and think: “Why didn’t I understand this fifteen years ago? There was so much to do!”

So let me say it loud and clear: your first life belongs to nature. Your second Life belongs to you.

What lies ahead? The vise that holds you in the cultural environment and biology is gradually weakening, and your true essence is revealed. As you get older, you don't lose anything vital. Moreover, the new life will be much more conscious, balanced, creative and active than before. And such an exciting life will begin, only when you are over forty.

Barbara Sher

It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now

How to Create Your Second Life at Any Age

Published with permission from Curtis Brown Group Limited

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

This book is well complemented by:

Barbara Sher and Annie Gottlieb

Barbara Sher

Richard Newton

Allow yourself to create

Natalie Ratkowski

I wanted and I did!

Vladimir Yakovlev

Dedicated to life

Introduction

Many of your peers think so. I saw this confidence on the faces of all those who entered middle age.

Is that how you think?

Well, you are in for a surprise!

Not the best idea.

So let me say it loud and clear: your first life belongs to nature. Your second Life belongs to you.

If these lines make you doubtful or skeptical, or if you think I'm going into candied Pollyanna platitudes, you're wrong. I am a hard realist. I never had the habit of looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. What I discovered on the other side, having reached the middle of my life, and what I can now tell you about, was a complete surprise for me. I suppose that, as you read on, you will also be a little surprised.

But why is it so hard to believe that great times are coming? Why do we suffer so much, starting to lose youth? When, while thinking about it, I first came across the answer, I almost laughed, because the reason for our blindness is so well hidden and at the same time so obvious that it looks like a clever trick.

Nature wants aging to be hateful. The anguish that this process causes is an integral part of the biological system. After all, if everything that relates to the second half of life seems unpleasant to you, you will naturally begin to resist aging. And, as you can see, in this way you will be much more useful for the human race.

Now it certainly seems that this explanation makes little sense, but later you will understand why. True, your current situation is unlikely to alleviate. Because, no matter the reason, your feelings are telling you that something has gone wrong. You are not ready for youth to end. No, it's not time yet! So much of what you wanted didn't happen, and so much of what happened didn't work out as expected! It seems that the irreparable has happened and there is nothing ahead. "Tomorrow" has lost its appeal. The romance with life is clearly over, you stopped loving her.

I want to show you how you can fall in love with her again.

I know it sounds almost impossible. There are plenty of books and articles out there that try to help you deal with the scary changes that are happening to you, but I'm not talking about coping. I think it's not about coping with life, it's about learning a new way live this life. Also, no doubt you feel that you are too young for books on how to live in retirement. Even I'm too young for them!

And when great thinkers like Carl Jung tell me it's time to slow down and start giving something back to the next generation, and Erik Erickson makes it clear that creativity is over and it's time to get things in order, I catch myself thinking: "Who Is that what you're talking about right now?"

Nothing is over at all - it's time to make a film or start exploring the ocean floor. Or start publishing a poetry magazine. Or go to medical school. Or open a bank. Or do anything for which you have the brains and talent.

But great thinkers agree on one thing, and here I completely agree with them.

It's time to stop wishing time would stop.

You have exciting work to do and new ways to live, so it's important to outgrow your fear of the future as soon as possible. If you do not do this, you will waste precious years mourning the loss of youth or, even worse, trying with all your might to keep it.

Consider this, alas, typical scenario. You wake up one morning and you are forty. You are shocked by this fact and spend the next ten or fifteen years fighting the "accelerating fall" by all means. You start going to the gym, you go for a facelift, you hatch dreams of driving over a birthday cake in a heavy red jeep or hitting the road with someone half your age. If none of this makes you feel young again (and it won't), you might get to the point of selling everything you've got, buying a yacht or a trailer, and disappearing into the sunset.

The words "midlife crisis" sound scary to me. Thoughts immediately arise in my head about how my body will change, gray hair will appear, children will become cheeky teenagers, my husband will buy a motorcycle and start an affair with some student, and my 40th birthday looms on the horizon. Wow! Hair on end. And then I got my hands on a bestseller from Barbara Sher, written about one of the most difficult periods in human life. Before giving it to my mother, I read it myself.

When I caught my dad reading women's magazines, he smiled and said: "You need to know the enemy in person!" Thanks to the book Better Late Than Never, I have faced the midlife crisis and have a better understanding of its nature. Barbara conditionally divided her life in half - and, while reading, I could not get rid of the thought that I was living now not the best half of it! It's not so pleasant to think of yourself as a puppet in the hands of biology, but looking at the situation from the point of view of humanity as a whole puts everything in its place. And even a timid, vague thought arises that middle age is practically a gift.

What I especially liked:

Barbara's opinion on how to relate to the problem of age and perceive changes in the body,
her confidence that the second half of life can become more exciting, fulfilling and conscious than the first,
in fact, an understandable and quite realistic guide to such a life,
work with dream lists - deep, subtle, revealing the important, forcing you to take a fresh look at the usual desires,
exercises about shameless fantasies (I would do them at any age, to be honest), about restoring the feeling of a miracle, about road fever and, of course, “important questions”. They are also worth asking yourself periodically, and not just at 40+.

I really like the ideas to focus on my dreams and desires, not to depend on the opinions or, God forbid, the approval of others, to be in harmony with myself and remember the finiteness of life. Even now, in my two weeks to 28. And at 40, the author believes, this is all exactly what the doctor ordered. And he details how to bring these ideas into your life.

The book is a great gift for parents, friends and relatives, especially those who do not agree to quietly rumble through life after 40, sit at home in front of the TV, knit socks and scold the government. Those who are ready to abandon the endless and obviously lost race for beauty and youth, find something to their liking and live every day with more pleasure than before, will find a lot of support and cool ideas in the book.

So here is what Barbara Sher teaches me in Better Late Than Never:

1. Your first life belongs to nature. Your second life is yours.

I think you should not deal with itrather learn a new way to live this life. Your material becomes life as it is - and not the one you would like.

2. Your body is not you.

At some point, the path of your body and your path diverge. While you are young, you and your body are one. You look in the mirror and see someone you know. But one day your body starts to look like it belongs to someone else. It is very strange, because inside you remain exactly the same as you have always been. You think, see, laugh, worry and learn just as you have always done. You are the same person. But the man in the mirror is not.

How can you understand this?

For example, as a fantastic opportunity to finally stop defining yourself through the way you look. You can say, “Just look! If inside I remain the same - cheerful, curious, analytical, grouchy or kind-hearted, or whatever I have been all along - and my appearance changes, perhaps my body and I are two different creatures!

For the first time you could say that you are not an animal, you are only using this animal for transportation. Naturally, you need to take excellent care of him, because how far you can travel depends on his strength and endurance. But now the physical part of you becomes only good friend while your true self lives on its own, with complete freedom to think, feel, experiment and play. And not just react instinctively.

3. Behaving "properly" at your age means that you are controlled by others.

And who exactly are the people whose point of view you are guided by? Will they harm you? Will they do something good for you? Will they refuse to take your money in the store if you do not act your age? And if you do, they will marry you and take you to Monaco? The sooner you change the automatic impulse to adjust to self-confidence and honesty, the better. If you stop trying to live up to the stereotype and be true to yourself by taking important steps, this could be the beginning of the best phase of your life. And the first wrinkle is a ray of awareness falling on you like sunlight.

4. No matter what you think about your appearance, the rest will still think what they want.

They love you—or don't like you—completely regardless of your opinion of yourself. Your appearance is not an immutable part of you, it depends on the beholder. So spit and forget. You have better things to do.

No one on Earth knows less about what you look like than…you. You have no idea what you look like and you never will. People see us in action, live, in dynamics. We never see ourselves that way. Certainly not in the mirror and hardly even on video or home shoots.

But that's not the only reason we don't know how others see us. Everyone looks at you through the prism of their own addictions, memories, or your resemblance to his beloved relative. The way people see you is different than anything you can imagine. Not only is it out of your control how you appear to others, but they themselves have no control over it.

5. In unfamiliar territory, it is better to have no map at all than to navigate on the wrong one.

6. If the body allows you to do something, then you are not too old for this.

7. Of all the sad words written or spoken, the saddest is "It was possible!".

8. Real svo boda means the right to be yourself in the truest sense.

It is the freedom to follow dreams and rediscover your true self, which has been buried under the temptations of achievement and family life. What is important is the freedom to live with an open heart and mind, with open emotions.The freedom to boldly continue to learn. The freedom to respect and appreciate your childhood sense of wonder. Such freedom - and only such - will make you young again.

9. You are not omnipotent.

By recognizing that your possibilities are not unlimited, you will gain real power. Once you give up trying to be all-powerful, a completely unexpected feeling will appear. Safety. Why? Because by voluntarily giving up the illusions of power and accepting the limitations that confront you, you recognize that the Earth rotates on its axis without your help. Everything has already been taken care of without you. You are just a small part of a vast moving world. So you can just start living your life.

You cannot and never could control the Universe. Someone else is responsible for this work - God, physics or the stars. Whatever power controls everything, it managed for a long time without you and, most likely, will do without your help in the future. When you stop imagining that the result is under your control, the task becomes simpler: you must put one hundred percent effort on your fifty percent - that is, your half of the case - and do the work with pleasure and pride. The remaining fifty percent is still not in your power - they are in the hands of fate.

10. Until middle age, your brain was designed to meet standards.

To succeed meant to observe how others act, and to act in the same way, preferably better.

11. Each life goal there is a delicate balance between you, your desires, abilities, even the need to resist external pressure - and the family where you grew up.

In the goals that you set for yourself, there is also an intention to influence someone. Perhaps one of the parents, in order to win favor or, finally, to prove that they were wrong about you and you are worth more.

The irony is that the best results are achieved when praise and recognition become indifferent. If you love your life, your work for its own sake, applause will seem like a distant noise behind a closed window, not the most interesting noise at all.