What is the welfare of the family? What is a complete and prosperous family. Family congratulations from - youtube

What is a happy family?

A characteristic of a prosperous family is such a cell of society in which all its members receive benefits, i.e. kindness, warmth, love, happiness. In addition, a good financial position and a high stable social status also play an important role when it comes to characterizing a prosperous family.

Now let's try to be more specific.

Complete

Firstly, the family must be complete, that is, both mom and dad must be present in it. If there is only one parent, then such a family can no longer claim to be prosperous. Although, in fact, this issue is debatable. Perhaps a child (or even several children) is raised by a single mother (or father), and everything is in order in the family - cleanliness, beauty, children are shod, dressed, they have everything they need. They may not live luxuriously, but they have enough to live on, and love and mutual understanding reign in their small family. Why can't such a unit of society be called prosperous? Just because there is no father? And if he was, they lived well, but, unfortunately, he died, and that such a family automatically goes into the category of dysfunctional?

Therefore, the second point is perhaps much more important.

The basis of love and understanding

A prosperous family is when family members love, respect each other, understand, support in any situation, trust. Parents are obliged to set an example for their children, to explain to them that a husband and wife should treat each other with warmth and care. And children, in turn, must trust their parents, talk to them, talk about all their problems, share, ask for advice and know that they will always find support in their family. Love and mutual understanding is the basis of any respectable unit of society.

Is it possible to name prosperous family in which all its members constantly swear, get offended and hate each other? The mother yells at the father, the father at the mother, and maybe even fight, and both of them break down on the children. Can such an environment be called friendly and suitable for the psychological development of the child? Is such a family capable of giving good? No, that's why such families are usually called dysfunctional.

financially secured

The family must be financially secure. This is also an important factor. It is impossible to call such a unit of society prosperous, whose members are malnourished, dress poorly and not for the weather, who do not have enough money for the most basic needs. It is necessary that either both parents work, or one of them, in order to fully provide for the needs and requirements of all family members. However, you will agree that even the richest cell of society cannot be called prosperous, but in which there is no harmony, in which the spouses do not love each other, each of them is busy with their own affairs, and the children grow up on their own, surrounded by prosperity, but deprived of elementary parental care and caresses.

Nevertheless, a prosperous family is one in which love, mutual understanding, respect, support prevail, this is the place where each family member feels comfortable, where he wants to be constantly. Children who grew up in such an environment are always happy to visit their parents' home, bring their wives, husbands, children there, and they are all happy.

The characteristic of a prosperous family is a definition, a rule, and there should be exceptions in the rules. What do you think the characteristics of a happy family should be?

Strong rear

The main feature of the prosperous families we are considering is that they are the very “strong rear” that is so necessary in the life of any person, and a child in particular. In such families, the child can always count on support and protection. This is not pampering and not forgiveness - this is exactly support in difficult times, approval in a moment of weakness and reflection, a push in a moment of doubt.

In one family, the eldest child had very low learning abilities, did not study well at school, was withdrawn and had difficulty getting along with the children. At the same time, the boy had quite adequate self-esteem, developed self-esteem and no pathologies of character. He developed really good relations only with his younger brother and his friends. He could spend hours fiddling with them, inventing various games and activities, separating those fighting, settling quarrels, acting as an arbitrator in conflicts. At home, over the bed of their parents, a list hung in which the following was literally written:

honest,

decent,

always ready to help,

kind,

fair,

responsible,

loves children and animals.

What it is? you ask with surprise.

List of Misha's virtues, - Misha's mother will answer you.

It turned out that Misha's parents at school were told all sorts of nasty things about Misha all the time: that he was stupid, incapable, inattentive, gloomy, did not react to anything and all that ...

Of course, we know what our child really is. But now we have become afraid that somehow we will accidentally forget this and become, as it were, at one with the teachers. And then Misha will have absolutely nowhere to rest. And he can’t do anything at all and will really get worse. And we will be to blame for this. Do you understand?

I understood. And how I wish all parents understood this! And not only understood, but also acted. The house should be a fortress! And in the fortress there should always be a burning fireplace, hot tea and an affectionate word ...

So a prosperous family includes not a small number of vital feelings.

Respect - respect for all family members, old or young.

Forgiveness - be able to forgive and give in to each other.

Understanding - understand and accept the behavior of one of the family members in this situation, if he does not finish something, then it is necessary at the moment.

Confidence - to trust and at the right time not to ask unnecessary questions, and even more so not to make a scandal when they simply ask you to believe me.

Wisdom - to be able to not make things worse in a difficult situation, but rather to help meekly; accordingly be able to support each other in any situation.

Care – includes many items: cleanliness; home comfort; treatment when someone from the household got sick; food prepared without malice, which will benefit health, and not harm.

Kindness - be kind not only to yourself, but also to your children and your soulmate.

Mutual assistance - the distribution of household chores, so to speak, one of course will be able to do all this, but for a long time it may not be enough.

Love - why do you ask the last point, but because if you have all of the above, then you love each other and there is no point in talking about this already.

Children who grow up in a prosperous family achieve much more in life than from dysfunctional families.

Successful marriages are not built on what each party expects. get from these relationships - they are built on the basis of the fact that each of the spouses gives each other. In order to build serious relationship it takes a concerted effort, but the result is worth the effort.o:p>

Never allow yourself to become so busy fighting for existence when there is no time left to live. A good marriage is a gift, luck... Don't turn it into nothing. Children need more role models than criticism.

10 tips from psychologist Richard Denny that will really help you build and strengthen family relationships filled with joy, happiness and mutual understanding in the family, i.e. achieve harmony in the family:

1. Sit down regularly at the table.

I noticed a trend where people who live together in the same house rarely, and sometimes almost never, eat together. Each family member eats at a convenient time for him or has a snack while sitting in front of the TV. In any family, this should be an indispensable rule: set the table, everyone gather around it and have dinner. If this is completely impossible on weekdays, then you can extend this rule to weekends. There should be no excuse that would allow family members to neglect family lunch or dinner. Time at the table allows you to see everyone together, relax, slowly talk. (Note by Nikolai Doroshchuk. In our family, it is a rule to have breakfast together, lunch on weekends, and dinner).

2. Exchange opinions.

I suppose you consult with family members quite often, you are interested in their opinion. It is very bad when one of the family members always takes the initiative and does not give the rest a chance to express their point of view.

Many of the points of view expressed will be valuable and meaningful to you in one way or another. So, if you're going to ask someone's opinion, be sure to listen to it. (Note: In our family, we ALWAYS, on almost all issues, exchange views. And this does not lead to a quarrel, but rather to respect for each point of view).
3. Focus on the good.

To feel happy in the family circle, try to focus your attention on the good sides. Don't focus too much on your partner's annoying habits. When people live together, in any case, there are moments of irritation or dissatisfaction with each other. Overcome your irritation, pay attention to the big picture, replace the negative emotions in your mind with positive ones. (Note: This moment is very difficult, but very, very important in family relationships. And difficult when you say to yourself "you must live for ...", but very pleasant when you say: "I LOVE YOU." The three most powerful words that one person can say to another, some find it difficult to say aloud, others simply forget about them or do not attach much importance to them, and yet the power of these words has not disappeared).

4. Be where you need to be.

Whenever your family members need you, be there. Appreciate these special occasions and make every effort not to miss important family events.

(Example from family life.. When my wife's father died, it was very difficult for her psychologically at that moment. This sadness of loss was added by the fact that I recent times more and more late at work. And I realized that at this moment she needs the most attention. I approached my BOSS and asked for a 2 day vacation. It was exactly what was needed at the time.)

Always be there at the right time, be ready to give advice and support.

5. Create psychological comfort.

Ask yourself if you always take the opportunity to give a compliment. What do you expect from your family members? Do you expect too much from your children? Are you putting undue pressure on them, insisting on tangible achievements that would make you proud of them? Remember that the stress that accompanies the relationship of parents and children, if your expectations and requirements are too high, is sometimes too great.

6. Compliment family members.

Each person can make a compliment, the main thing - do not forget to find an opportunity, instead of criticizing, to support your loved ones, often say good words to your family members.

7. Make surprises.

Whether you are a parent or just a member of the family, surprises should be made from time to time when the opportunity presents itself. As we grow older, we get more and more pleasure not by receiving, but by making gifts, bringing joy to other people. It's nice to receive a prize, but it's no less joyful to plan and organize it. (An example from my personal life. Yesterday, when my wife was returning from work, further actions could be predicted. Everyone has their own everyday life. But yesterday I decided to surprise my wife. Instead of going home and eating the dinner that she prepared in advance, but I "kidnapped" her and took her to a cafe on the seashore. Dinner by the fireplace, what else needs to be said. And 2 months ago, my wife asked me to go to another city - 40 km from Odessa. She argued this by saying that she was advised to visit one of the shops in this city.But actually we spent 3 hours on the seashore watching the flight of seagulls).

8. Farewell.

From time to time, disagreements and conflicts occur in every family. Someone for their loved ones becomes a source of trouble, and if you are the injured party, anger is a completely natural reaction. You may even say something like "I will never forgive you for this" - an extremely negative message that you download into your brain. Under whatever circumstances we may say this, we should calm down a bit, gather our thoughts and re-create in our memory the whole picture of what happened.

Can we change the event? Of course not - now it's history, so try never to allow again: "I'll never forgive you." It won't make you happy, it won't take the burden off your soul, it won't prevent similar events in the future. This statement will not bring you any benefit, it will slowly destroy you from the inside and lead to deep conflict with yourself. Often the easiest and fastest way is to ask yourself, "Why did he say that?" or "Why did he do it?". Even if you don't find a logical answer, you will at least try to take a fresh look at the situation and understand the other person.

9. Share your joys and sorrows.

If you can't share your worries with family members, you will end up being a very unhappy and lonely person. There is amazing strength in a strong, close-knit family. Share your sorrows, not so that the family suffers with you, but so that they can support you. Knowing what is going on in the lives of all family members creates unity, as you have a common foundation for success in the future.

10. And finally, for those who have to constantly participate in the struggle for a career, who live under pressure, who may have to spend long hours or even days away from home. Don't forget the purpose of life. If you have a family and children, remember that your greatest goal is not to become the richest person in the graveyard, nor to become a breadwinner for a family you hardly see. So plan your time so that you can take care of your loved ones. Spending time together should be a top priority that should be protected from outside intrusion. Let your family know that this time is priceless to you, and while you strive for success, promotions, and other accomplishments, your primary goal is family, and not just in the distant future.

Sincerely, Nikolay Doroshchuk.

Hello dear readers of my blog! When I ask my clients the question: “Is family well-being ..?”, I hear a variety of answers that are different from each other. Today I would like to put everything together and try to figure out how people achieve family happiness, what helps or hinders them, how to change it and live happily ever after with your loved one.

Difficulties

Well-being in the family is not the absence of problems, but the ability to solve them. Very often I hear people talk about how happy families do not have problems, difficulties, and they do not have to overcome obstacles. This is absolutely not true.

Each seed faces certain difficulties. It's just that someone knows how to solve them, is not afraid, sees support in his partner, and someone drops everything and leaves.

This includes personal troubles that are not related to the whole family. One of my clients was constantly waiting for her husband to solve all her problems. She herself did not want to do anything, they say he is a man, let him solve all issues. But that's not how prosperity works. This is where a shared commitment is needed.

It is very important to be able to hear each other. After all, one seems to think such a way out is the most correct, and the second wants to do it differently. It is important for spouses to learn to negotiate, to seek compromises. If you have problems with this, then read the article "". It is important here to leave emotions at the door and reason logically. There are, of course, issues in which emotions can only play into the hands.

Family well-being lies in the fact that spouses do not blame each other for failures. They act together and together, which means that their failure is common. In healthy relationships, there are no problems with responsibility. Each member of the family is boldly responsible for all the others. If your partner often sins with accusations against you, I recommend that you read the article "".

Respect and trust

Well-being is mutual trust and respect. How does it happen most often? A husband or wife at work received negative energy and dragged her home. So, no love will last long. All negativity and negative emotions should be left outside the home.

This is the simplest thing - go and yell at a loved one because you are in a bad mood. This is where respect comes into play. Instead of yelling at your spouse, ask him for support, say that you feel bad, that you are upset, angry, tired.

Respect helps to understand each other. And trust allows you not to fall into a love cage. Do you know such wives who never let their husbands go anywhere? I know more than a dozen of these young ladies. All because they do not trust their spouses. To be afraid of betrayal, that he will leave, leave for the sake of the young and beautiful.

In a family where there is respect and trust, such problems do not arise. Spouses do not feel pressure from their partner. They skillfully distinguish between personal and joint space. One of my acquaintances lived in two houses. Sometimes both she and he wanted to be alone with themselves. They quietly dispersed, and after a while they again gathered. No one was offended by the fact that he had little attention. Respect your partner and boldly demand respect for yourself.

Willingness to work on yourself

Many say that well-being depends on financial stability, or begins in bed. Let me tell you a secret: your family may lack any factors of well-being and all this will not matter if you and your partner are ready to change and work on yourself.

For me, this is probably the basis of family well-being. When both spouses are ready to change their attitude to some issue, ready to learn to respect and trust each other, change their behavior in bed (if something does not suit the second partner).

Now you can be in terrible conditions, but if you are ready to overcome all this, feel the support of your partner and are ready to take his hand, then you will definitely succeed in achieving the notorious well-being.

Understand that there is nothing wrong with the fact that something does not work out for you, that it is difficult for you to find a common language, that some problems constantly appear. You can cope with all this, overcome everything and become the happiest in the world.

In support of these words, I bring to your attention two books that perfectly describe family relationships: Jenny Anderson and Paula Schumann " Family life strategy and Alice Bowman For a long time. Happily. Together».

What is family well-being for you? Were your parents happy with each other? How do you and your spouse solve problems? Can you trust your partner?

I wish you prosperity and endless love.
You deserve to be happy!

Conditions for creating a sustainable family union

The problem of family well-being occupies a central place in the consideration of marital relations. The main conditions for the well-being of the family in our minds are: mutual understanding between the spouses, a separate apartment, material well-being, children in the family and an interesting, well-paid job for the spouses. True, the order of values ​​for men and women is somewhat different. Practical men put a separate apartment and material well-being in the first and second places, after which they put mutual understanding between spouses, children and interesting work. Women gave priority to mutual understanding, children, and then to a separate apartment, material well-being and interesting work.

V. Matthews and K. Mikhanovich, as a result of studying a very wide range of realities of family life, found the ten most important differences between happy and unhappy family unions. It turned out that in unhappy families, spouses:

· Do not think alike on many issues and problems.

Poor understanding of the feelings of others.

· Saying words that irritate another.

Often feel unloved.

· Pay no attention to the other.

Feel dissatisfied need for trust.

Feel the need for someone they can trust.

Rarely compliment each other.

· Often forced to give in to the opinion of another.

· Want more love.

Dissatisfaction with marital relationships is based on two reasons: myths about an ideal marriage and the discrepancy between these myths and the realities of life. The following beliefs are widespread among American married couples:

· In a happy marriage, romantic love lasts forever.

· My partner must understand what I want and what I need without words.

· Good sex should be spontaneous and cause a storm of emotions.

· If my partner (partner) suits me, then this will help me cope with my feelings of inferiority.

· My partner will always be on my side in any dispute or conflict.

· If our sex life does not satisfy us, it proves that there is no strong love in the relationship.

In a good marriage, spouses never argue with each other.

· Marriage will greatly improve my life at no cost, expense or deprivation on my part.

As a result of incorrect thinking based on these myths, one of the spouses makes categorical demands on the other. Anxiety arises from the following thoughts:

He (a) should not do this, and it is terrible if he (a) continues to act in the same spirit,

I won't be able to handle this if things don't change

He/she is bad because he/she refuses to change. Usually such thinking is treated as an erroneous belief. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking only irritates the partner, who, most likely, will continue to do the same in the future.

A rationally thinking person recognizes the validity of his expectations and wishes in relation to his partner. But you should not elevate your desires to the rank of requirements, and turn your expectations into orders. Having put forward unlawful demands on a partner, later a person will certainly begin to experience irrational anger. When both partners in anger accuse each other of all sorts of sins, anxiety only intensifies and the vicious circle closes.

In happy marriages, spouses deliberately develop a philosophy of family relationships that allows them to coexist calmly with their partner, appreciate him, while expressing themselves and their own needs for personal growth.

From the point of view of American psychologists, a rather limited set of purely psychological conditions is necessary for the happiness of a family. It:

normal conflict-free communication;

Confidence and empathy (effective sympathy for another);

Understanding each other

a normal intimate life;

Having a home (where you can relax from the complexities of life);

From these studies, certain conditions for family happiness: the desire to eliminate possible contradictions, the ability to look at events and circumstances from the perspective of another, a high culture of communication, constant consideration of the views and opinions of another, tireless demonstration of love, true trust in each other, a high degree of mutual understanding, mutual admiration and mutual compliance.

The next important component of the quality of a marriage is its sustainability. Assessment of stability, marriage strength is one of the the most important characteristics family lifestyle. V.A. Sysenko for the first time shares the concepts of "marriage stability" and "marriage stability".

He considers the stability of marriage as "the stability of the system of interaction between spouses, the effectiveness and efficiency of their joint activities aimed at achieving both mutual and individual goals of the spouses.

A number of works were devoted to the problems of a young family,. They highlight the factors of instability of a young urban family: short duration of premarital acquaintance of spouses, early (up to 21 years) age of marriage, negative attitude towards a spouse, unsuccessful marriage of parents of one or both spouses, premarital pregnancy, different opinions spouses on issues of life and leisure, etc. .

Factors of family well-being

Family well-being factors are divided into the following poles: external-internal, objective-subjective.

The external objective ones usually include the stability of the social system in which the family is included (the prerogative of the state), and the material conditions of its life.

To subjective external factors include factors social control: legal and cultural norms, national and cultural traditions, expectations and requirements of a significant environment.

For a modern family, subjective internal sources of stability are predominant: interpersonal feelings of family members (love, responsibility, duty and respect).

Consider love as a factor in family well-being.

Love and family well-being

The theme of love excites mankind throughout its history. Love was both evil and good; and happiness and suffering; both sadness and joy. But it has never been something indifferent and unnecessary for people.

Researches of scientists have shown the non-identity of the love proper marital orientation of young people. So, according to V.T. Lisovsky, among the primary life plans of young people in 72.9 percent of the answers was “to meet a loved one (s)” and only in 38.9 percent - “to create a family”, boys and girls do not see a future life partner in every partner, it was confirmed and in the studies of S.I. Hunger. He found that among the possible motives for intimate premarital relationships, "love" motivation clearly prevails over "marriage": for both men and women, the first place came out mutual love, and on the second - a pleasant pastime. On the third place for women - orientation towards marriage, for men - the desire for pleasure, and only then orientation towards marriage.

As you know, there can be love without marriage, and marriage without love. Between marriage and love there is neither a complete coincidence nor a complete difference, and for a long historical period they existed separately. In a large number of cases, love turns out to be a factor preventing the preservation of a family union. There are several reasons here:

· In the impatience of love, we are looking not for a spouse, but for a loved one.

· Under the romantic cover of love, we very often forget about family everyday life and everyday family affairs.

· Fetishization of love: in a passionate search for love, we take for love something that does not correspond to it at all.

Laws of compatibility

Compatibility is one of the most complex phenomena of socio-psychological science in general and family psychology in particular. Compatibility forms a hierarchy of levels, at the bottom of which is the psychophysiological compatibility of temperaments, the consistency of sensorimotor acts. The next level forms the consistency of functional-role expectations. The highest level of group compatibility includes value-oriented unity. It is an indicator of group cohesion, reflecting the level or degree of convergence of opinions, assessments, attitudes and positions of group members in relation to some objects. family is small group, and the laws of compatibility apply to it as well.

Husband and wife may expect very different things and imagine their married life differently. At the same time, the more these ideas do not coincide, the less stable the family is, the more dangerous situations arise in it. The system of our marriage and family ideas is very complex and the reasons for the discrepancy arise very often. There are two main reasons:

1. Our ideas about marriage and the family continue to become more and more refined, saturated with details, since the family is now less and less consistent with the pattern of role functioning that has developed over the centuries. The growth of material well-being allows us to look for more and more diverse models of family relationships.

2. The conflict of ideas of young spouses can become aggravated and aggravated due to very poor knowledge of each other's ideas. Firstly, because during the period of premarital courtship, they with enviable constancy prefer to discuss any topic other than family relationships. Secondly, with a very short premarital acquaintance, it is very problematic to find out each other's ideas.

Functional-role conflicts in family compatibility can manifest themselves in three areas of family relations.

The first sphere is leisure, free time spouses. The reason for the sharpness of relationships in this area of ​​family life is quite clear: the more we expect from our free time, the less our ideas about how it should be spent coincide.

The second sphere is economic and economic relations in family. Obsolete stereotypes of family affairs are constantly becoming a “bone of contention” between spouses.

Third sphere- intimate relationships. The same sex that gave rise to the myth of sexual harmony as the most important condition for a happy marriage.

Psychologists who study the laws of compatibility have come to the conclusion that the individual psychological and personal characteristics of spouses do not entirely determine the stability and compatibility of spouses. Still, ideas about the goals of the marriage union prevail here. As for the psychological characteristics of marriage partners, the most important are such features that determine the ability of partners to perceive and understand other people, predict their behavior, treat them attentively and kindly. It is worth noting that spouses always have real opportunities to increase the level of mutual compatibility through self-education, convergence of marriage and family ideas, and a high culture of relationships.